Episode 67: Larissa Nickson, LCSW
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Not everyone has that ability. Not everyone knows like it's okay to grieve for 10 years, right? It's okay to, um, be sad some days and, and shine happiness other days.
Jessica Fowler: Welcome back to What Your Therapist is Reading. I'm your host Jessica Fowler. Today we are speaking with Larissa Nixon about her book I Hold You in My Heart: A Children's Book and Parent Guide to Helping Children Cope with Loss. Larissa is a licensed clinical social worker with over 15 year’s experience helping children and adults. She's certified to work with women in the perinatal period and specializes in working with people who experience pregnancy loss and birth trauma. In memory of her daughter, she was inspired to write a children's book about loss, to help families learn about ways to cope with grief, and I will just add a trigger warning as we were talking about loss in this episode.
After today's episode, make sure you head on over to social media @therapybookspodcast to learn about the latest giveaway. And as always, the information shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only.
Welcome back, listeners. Today we have Larissa Nickson on talking about her children's book. I Hold You in My Heart. Welcome.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Hi. Thanks for having me.
Jessica Fowler: So, as you know, I like to start the podcast with this question. Can you share a memory of how reading has impacted you?
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Yes. So, I have always loved reading since I was little. Like my mom would take away my books as a punishment instead of tv. Um, so reading has always been a part of my life. When I went to grad school and college though, I kind like lost touch with it. I was too busy, right? And so, then a friend of mine. A book, book. I was like, you need to start reading again. And so, I started reading. That was when I was like 22, right? So, in like just finishing grad school, maybe like 24. But she gave me a book and I just haven't stopped reading again since then. And so, reading has just always been a part of my life. It's my coping skill, it's my, it's my go-to for dealing with things. If I have an issue, I find books about it and read about it and connect with characters or get, has just always been, there's no one specific memory.
Jessica Fowler: Nice. Is there a specific one that you recommend or maybe one you're reading now you wanna share?
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Um, oh my goodness. I read so many books in terms of like, can I, a therapy related book and like a fun book?
Jessica Fowler: Sure
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: ACOTAR by Sarah J Maas. I listened to or read a couple years ago and I did listen to it again recently. And a friend and I, a colleague and I, were trying to put together a group about mental health, um, related to the book, right? So, the character has traumas. Many of the characters have traumas in the book. So, we were kind of talking about creating a group where we could talk about the traumas that the characters face and like how that relates to their own lives and how people push through, like posttraumatic growth. Kind of is therapy related, I guess. But, um, and then another recent one that I read was, um, Dr. Gabor Mate wrote The Myth of Normal. Absolutely loved that book too. So that one was really great just talking about how our childhood, um, experiences shape us and we become certain people that maybe is not in line with like our true, authentic self. So that was a really great one I read recently too.
Jessica Fowler: Yes that is a popular one. Thanks for sharing those, because that's like the point of the podcast, right? Can we read something and identify and help ourselves through it?
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Yep. That's what reading has always done for me, so.
Jessica Fowler: Nice. So, let's talk about, I hold you in my heart. Can you share about this book and your hope of how you want it to impact your readers?
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Mm-hmm. So, it is a book for children on coping with grief. So, the main impact is, um, teaching kids, but also their parents too, about ways to cope with grief. So, each, each kind of page basically is dedicated to like one specific skill that someone could use to, to help them when they're grieving. So, whether it's like CBT challenging their, their unhelpful thoughts, whether it's DBT tip, skill, and you know, splashing water on your face or as all of those things are included as part of the book. So that the biggest impact is just kind of like grief impacts us in so many different ways. And, um, so many different reasons. And the book is for kids and parents to have a, have a, a conversation about grief and what they can do to help themselves better.
Jessica Fowler: And so you wrote the book. There's three characters and sort of each are on their own little journey of how they ended up with grief and then it goes through and it talks about these tips or really, it's like a story and then you have this parent guide in the back that explains a little bit like, this is tip number five, this is tip number seven, and they can go in the back and learn more about why that tip is important.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Mm-hmm.
Jessica Fowler: Can you share a little bit about why you ended up reading the book?
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Yeah, definitely. So, um, September, so myself, um. And so obviously that was a really difficult experience for me. Um, and then later on I had two cousins who also lost babies as well. And so, the idea just kind of came to me like, I, I wanna do something to honor my daughter, Charlotte. And I love reading, and I'm a therapist, and so it was like, hmm, could I write a book about grief, right? Because when I was grieving, I knew all the things because I was a therapist. I like knew what kinda like do for myself and I was like, I felt so lucky in my grief in that way, at least, that I had all the coping skills that I knew what I was supposed to do, that I knew that what I was feeling was normal. And I, I felt lucky in that and I felt like not everyone has that ability. Not everyone knows, like it's okay to grieve for 10 years, right? It's okay to, um, be sad some days and, and find happiness other days, right. So that is what I was thinking when I started to like formulate this idea of like, myself and my cousins lost babies. I wanna like honor them and I wanna help other people know that grief is difficult, but there are ways to kind of make it through with the support, with the skills.
Jessica Fowler: And you wrote the book, you say this in the beginning, you wrote the book. So, you used the word lost.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Mm-hmm.
Jessica Fowler: In the book. Can you share a little bit about why you chose that word and what you share in the book?
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Yeah, because then, like I had said before, like impacts. Uh, for different reasons, right? So I specifically used the word lost instead of died, um, because I wanted it to be for divorce or loss of a pet, or a loss of some significant item. Like, maybe you went to Disney and you lost your favorite blanket, or something like that, right? Like, we can grieve all of those different things. Um, and so I specifically wrote the book with the words loss, but put a little note in there like use the words that make sense for you as you're reading it. So, make you know, if you wanna use the word the person died, if you wanna use the blanket was loss, right? Whatever you wanna word, you can kind of switch it up within the book. I think that that's so valuable. Um, I have a book from after to. It specifically tells you, like change the wording. Like here's what I like to do with, you know, this. And then like a prompt of like, what do you like to do? So, I kind of wanted to use that idea of like, make the book your own in a way and make it fit for your specific story.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah. I liked that you had that note and then you gave some education around that and then, you know, you can put in your own words of what makes sense for your situation.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Jessica Fowler: I, like I said, I liked the guide in the back too, that I thought it was helpful. 'cause like people, they don't know what to do, right? There's a sense of right here are your people who understand and then here are the things that you can do individually for yourself. Also, the artwork is beautiful in the book.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: My sister drew it.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah, it's beautiful.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Thank you. Yeah, I think I wrote the book in probably 24 hours and it took her a couple months to do the pictures. So yes, so I had all the knowledge for the book. It just kind of like came to me once I had the idea just like flowed and then I gave it to my sister she does um, she was like photography and like lots of like visual arts and things like this, and she was like sure, yeah. So, we kind of together decided like the water color kind of painting kind of style. And she did it all like digitally and I dunno how she did it all, but she did it and she got it all together for me. So yeah, I appreciate.
Jessica Fowler: it's very beautiful.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Thank you. Thank you.
Jessica Fowler: Who should be reading your book?
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Um, I think families that have had some kind of loss, whether it is divorce um, an actual loss of a pet, grandparent or whatever it might be. I think it is really important for families to read together. I would say range could be 3 to 12-year-olds, but honestly, I feel like even older than 12-year-olds could read it. But I do think, I, I envision it more as like a family book that's not something that you'll just kind of give to an 8-year-old that can kind of read on their own. But that is something that you guys read together so that, you know, if it brings up some feelings of sadness, that they can talk about it together. Um, and then that's why I included that parent guide at the back because I am teaching the skill to the kid in a kid friendly way but that the parents also understands kinda ,the science or the evidence behind it. So families are really the, the intended audience.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah. I definitely can see how it should be read with an adult, not, you know, especially a young child, to be reading it on their own to help even reinforce and just talk about the skills hat you're offering in the book.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Yeah.
Jessica Fowler: I'd also say therapists I think is a great tool to use.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Yeah.
Jessica Fowler: In session.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Definitely, I use so many books and when I, I work with kids and so I use so many books and sessions to just talk about like personal space and feeling excluded and and stuff. So that was kind of also one of the reasons that I was like, children's book makes so much sense to me because I use that so much for myself. And then I use that so much in therapy as well.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah. Anything else our listeners should know about your book?
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Um, that its awesome. Um, I think just like the meaning behind it for myself was really important too. Like I did write it in memory of my daughter, um, and my cousin's two babies, so the main characters are representations of them. So, when I was pregnant, I envisioned like purple and gray and that how I room and that eventually morphed into elephants, I loved elephants and I was gonna get her all elephant pictures and stuff for her room. And so, elephants are like a symbol of her to me. So, Charlotte in the book is an elephant, and then my cousin, the baby that she lost was named Carter, and so he's a butterfly. And then my other cousin lost, um, Lyra. And so that is a star. And so that was kind of the inspiration for it. So, it was kind of like a surprise for my cousins too. I kinda asked them what do you Invision in terms of like a character or an item when you think of your baby. And then they kind of gave me an idea and then we, we made that a part of the book. So just, I love like that the meaning kind of behind the book that the characters are, that are, they're our babies, right? And so, and the basic kind of premise of the story is that Charlotte loses her family and then she finds Carter who lost his family and then Lyra comes and she lost her family, right? And so then these three babies of ours kind of find each other in whatever world they're in. Um, and they learn how to like live without us too. So, it's kind of like a double, a double meaning in a way.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah. It's, it's beautifully written in that way. And even though it is like you wrote in the context of losing your child, it's, you know, it can be, like you said, you used the word loss, so it can be applied to anything.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Mm-hmm.
Jessica Fowler: But it is written in. A nice way to be able to do that, but I love, like you share your story in the, at the end for people.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Yeah.
Jessica Fowler: I think it's a very touching tribute to you and your family.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. And so, I put a little bit of information about preeclampsia in there and then my cousins kind of stories, whatever they felt comfortable kind of being a part of the book. I put that in there too. So just thought it was a nice way to honor them and there's not a lot of talk like within the stillbirth, the, you know, the, the perinatal loss community. And so, it just felt right to kind of honor their stories too. Like these are people that existed that we didn't get to have in our life. And so, it was just a nice way to kind of add them to the book too, to kind of give them a piece of like memory or legacy that a random person finds the book on amazon and they read it and they just read about their story and know that Charlotte, Carter and Lyra existed.
Jessica Fowler: Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for coming on today. I appreciate it.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Yes.
Jessica Fowler: Where can our listeners connect with you?
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Um, I'm on Instagram at Hopeful Horizon Wellness. I'm on Facebook, Larissa Nickson, lcsw. So, uh, I'd say those are the two primary ways. I have a website, but the address is very long, so I don't remember it. Um, and then the book is on Amazon, so I Hold You in My Heart and you can just search up on Amazon and find it.
Jessica Fowler: Wonderful. Well, thank you so much.
Larissa Nickson, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT 200: Thank you.
Jessica Fowler: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of what your therapist is reading. Make sure you head on over to the website or social media to find out about the latest giveaway. The information provided in this program is for educational and informational purposes only, and although I'm a social worker licensed in the state of New York, this program is not intended to provide mental health treatment and does not constitute a patient therapist relationship.
About the author:
Larissa Nickson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over 15 years of experience helping children and adults. She is certified to work with women in the perinatal period and specializes in working with people who experience pregnancy loss and birth trauma. In memory of her daughter, she was inspired to write a children’s book about loss to help families learn about ways to cope with grief.