Episode 68: Lori Elliot Sacks
Lori Elliot Sacks: I, I truly feel like I wrote this book, not just for the people I don't know, but for my, my children, my three girls. Um, because whichever way the waves take us, I want them to see a good example of living all the way up to the edge all the way. And not taking note for an answer.
Jessica Fowler: Welcome back to what your therapist is reading. I'm your host, Jessica Fowler. Today we are speaking with Lori Elliott Sacks about her book on Unlucky Lori, which she shares about her battle with ovarian cancer and then Parkinson's disease. Trouble free in flying high was Lucky Lori. She has been a hospice nurse, a therapist, and a psychiatric nurse practitioner. However, the role of patient and ovarian warrior continues to challenge her daily. It demands patience and positivity. Lori describes her book as intense beware, but full of hope and gratitude. I will also add a trigger warning as we are discussing cancer diagnosis, treatments, and the potential impact of these experiences on individuals and families.
After today's episode, head on over to social media @therapybookspodcast to learn about the latest giveaway. And as always, the information shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only.
Laurie, welcome to the podcast.
Lori Elliot Sacks: Thank you.
Jessica Fowler: So we're gonna start with my typical question about what is a memory of how reading has impacted you?
Lori Elliot Sacks: So, I love that question and I'm gonna just say that it's impacted me in every single part of my life because reading opens up so many doors. And I have a specific memory of hiding under my blanket with a, a light, a flashlight, and with a book and my mom coming in and saying, are you still reading? Oh my gosh, come on let's go. I'm bed. It's like. Midnight or whatever. And it's funny because then I watch my children with their cell phones looking under the cover trying to read and get away with it. And it's just like travels from generation to generation. We all are huge consumers of books, and one of my favorite places in the world is a bookstore. I just walk around there and I breathe and I smell possibility. It's like, so many beautiful titles surrounding me. It's almost like a museum. I just wanna like sit and look at everything. Let it just enrich my soul. So, yeah.
Jessica Fowler: Definitely the smell of the possibilities. I'm gonna have to remember that one. And so I can see even just the way that you're describing that and your reading, I could see that in your personality come out in your book. And so, this is about your journey with ovarian cancer and some other things that have come up along the way. Um, can you share for readers what's, what's happening in this book and what brought you to end up writing this book?
Lori Elliot Sacks: So, the book sort of evolved into a book. It started off as a memoir or a journal. Um, you could call it either one. But basically 2015 I was flying high, feeling great. You know, the insurance person said you just have class A plus plus. So ,you get cheap life insurance. I mean, you couldn't have had a healthier person. And then came the diagnosis of ovarian cancer and it was bad. It was really bad. It was all over the insides. Um, and so this book is about me turning to writing as a way of coping, coping, and at the same time, making it available to people so that they could track my progress over time. So, it's, it evolved into a 10-year journal, which is probably pretty unusual, but for me it worked and I had no advanced warning that I would all of a sudden say, hey, this is a book I need to put this out there. So, I think that it has helped in, in, in measurable ways to get the story out. And the reason why I needed to do this was I felt like I needed to do something with what I learned through this, through the book, through the journey I needed to put it out. I'd use it as inspiration, which I thought was really funny. 'cause I never thought of myself as inspirational. And all of a sudden people are saying, oh my gosh, I feel so inspired. And I was thinking Share it. Share it. Please share it. Because I want people to feel empowered. I want people to feel like they have hope. I want people to feel less vulnerable. Um, and so the idea was tovpass on the inspiration not to hold it selfishly, and so many of us are so afraid to share, you know, oh, that's very private. It's like the C word, you know? No sharing. I no judgment here but I feel as if people shared more, it would bring people in snd help tremendously. Um, so I decided to go all in and to put all the cards on the table and to just not be afraid to be vulnerable. And I have to say, if they don't like it, it's okay. That's, you know, the person's prerogative. But I think putting it out there, making oneself vulnerable. Living each moment is so incredibly important. Live each moment. Live your best life. Live with hope on your shoulders, that you carry it around everywhere you go. Live like Bon Jovi says, gotta live until you die, right?
Jessica Fowler: Which you say in this book?
Lori Elliot Sacks: Yes.
Jessica Fowler: Can you share with our listeners, just like a short version of what happened? 'cause this is a 10 year span, but a lot has happened in 10 years. Are you comfortable sharing that?
Lori Elliot Sacks: Oh yeah, I am an open book, so to speak.
Jessica Fowler:I thought so, 'cause you wrote it all in the book.
Lori Elliot Sacks: So, yeah. So, 2015, um, little, uh, pain in the side, went to the emergency room because it was getting to the point where it was really uncomfortable. Even walking the vibrations of walking, I felt that in my side. So, I was working for a practice at the time that had an emergency room and I said, after my patients, I'll go and get it checked out. No big deal. Well, it was a big deal, um, and I was confronted with this information through a doctor who had very little empathy or sensitivity or sym sympathy. And it became a very traumatic type of recognition that sometimes the medical people are not tuned in to what we need at that moment. And so, I was leaving the emergency room with a white envelope with all of my information on it, on that visit, and I sat down in the, in the waiting room. After being discharged, I opened the letter and there it said, basically, in layman's terms, you have cancer all over your abdominal cavity. Sitting on your liver, sitting on your kidney, sitting on all these organs, the omentum, you've got it there and there I was outside of the emergency room, my head was spinning. I said I need to go back in there. I feel like I'm gonna faint. My husband was in Switzerland. It felt like a nightmare and it left such a mark on me in terms of spreading this message like I truly, truly feel every medical student should have my book or another book like it. Where they can see it through the patient's eyes.
Jessica Fowler: Mm-hmm.
Lori Elliot Sacks: And I think that's still really lacking in education of people in the medical field.
Jessica Fowler: You're someone who was in the medical field and to have this experience.
Lori Elliot Sacks: Yeah, it was, it was just awful. As a matter of fact, I have no memory of how I got from there to home. And honestly, I had some very dark thoughts at that point because I felt this is, this is not ending well, and it's, this is really, I don't wanna put all, all my family members through this, all my friends through this. And when I got home, I had a message from my primary care doctor and my oncologist and they said, we are gonna, we're gonna get rid of this. This is not hopeless. We can do this together. And they really saved my life. And there's been no dark thoughts since then. You know, I mean, that sounds almost unbelievable. But I love life. I love the adventure of life. Do I love the disease? I hate the disease, but it's part of the picture. And uh, you know, it's part of challenges actually. I. I recently saw Alan Alda who got diagnosed with Parkinson's on an award show, and he said, I just found out I got a diagnosis of Parkinson's disease and I welcome the challenge. That's what he said. I welcome the challenge. We can't control what comes out, comes into us, but we control how we respond to it. And sometimes we can't find inspiration, but all we do is start looking at different places for that. Um, I was going to visit my mom recently and feeling, you know, tired and a little raggy and, um, the, the Uber driver started talking to me and turns out he was in a coma for three months and then came out of the coma. And I started telling him my story and we bonded and we both felt so much better afterwards. Like he gave me some of his hope and I gave him some of my hope. And by the time that ride was over, I had made a friend and I had said that happened for a reason. You know, these things. I, I'm true believer that the universe speaks. I needed a little bit more inspiration that morning on the, on the Uber ride, and I got it. So, you know, I always say people who have these types of diseases, they are so lucky in some respects because it's like you put on these rose-colored glasses and everything gets filtered through there, so it's like a special superpower because it's like I could sit here and look at the leaves outside and it has so many layers of meaning for me because of what I've been through that I feel like other people aren't seeing it as intensely as I consider that a gift that I see things in a very intense way and, and it's lovely. It's like it just fills up my cup of hope again. Hope is a huge thing for me, and I think teaching people how to use that is a gift, you know, so I, I feel very blessed, very grateful. Um, and then, okay, after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer, three years later, 40 years later, Parkinson's disease, it was really, uh, a huge, a huge mountain to climb to. I went to four different doctors. I said, there's no way I have this. I something. Full stop.
Jessica Fowler: Mm-hmm.
Lori Elliot Sacks: No, but there was no getting around it. So, then I had to look for inspiration elsewhere. And one of the things I have is my Peloton group, which is all people with Parkinson's disease, most of them older than me, and they meet three times a week. And we draw incredible strength from each other. We laugh, we cry, we talk about our kids' weddings, we talk about the weather. We, we validate each other, we normalize each other. So, um, yeah, it's, it's been wonderful. So, so every, at every turn I find ways of, of just making, making it empower me and not. Drain me. You know, it's, I always think of like that teapot on the stove, which runs out of water and then starts burning on the bottom. If we could keep the water in the teapot and keep refilling it with inspiration, it will never run out of water. You know, it's about a balancing act and give yourself grace certain days not to feel so wonderful. It's okay.
Jessica Fowler: Mm-hmm.
Lori Elliot Sacks: You know, sometimes we, we just, we need a day off and we have to give ourselves that grace. So, so anyway, that's how the book evolved. And, um, one of the things that made it happen was, um, this program that I could write into to give an update and Harry could run in, my husband Harry could write when I was in a surgery or something, but this is weird to actually complain about this, but I was getting so many calls. How's Lori? How was the CAT scan? How was the MRI? How was the doctor's visit? And I was being slammed every, you know, every day, every week with questions. And I was like, oh my gosh. Um, I felt so physically drained from that, but when I found this, um, it's like a sharing kind of group that I could write in and people could write back, and it's, you know, private and everything. And it made a huge difference because then I wasn't spending all day responding and I wasn't being rude because every single comment was so important to me. So yeah, it's, that's been very helpful and I, I think people could learn about those types of groups. It's almost like your own support group within a group. So, since then I've had, um, I have had a relapse since then. And the thing with ovarian cancer is once you have that relapse, typically you can't be cured of it. And that was a huge step. Um, but I am incredibly spiritual, not religious, spiritual, and I feel I, I'm sure people have seen, have, um, have faith, not fear or make your faith bigger than your fear. And I do believe that, and I'm comfortable with whichever way the waves take me. You know, I had this big picture in my last Office of waves and I would just like look at it and say, yep, the universe is speaking and I've gotta respect that. And go with it. Go with it, and turn it around. Come back up and sometimes it'll take you further out and sometimes it won't. And, and those are the times that you have to, I call it my hope float. When you, if you could picture someone like getting on top and just like, holding on and one of those donuts, you know, and just letting, letting it be, um. Accepting and again, having grace with yourself. You know? Patience, patience.
Jessica Fowler: Listening to you talk. I was like, this is what the book is like where even more so I guess where you, I can see like you took your journal entries and they weren't updates where I think a lot of times those systems were updates. This really reads like a journal 'cause not only did you talk about the updates, but you talked about where you were emotionally and coming at it from a mental health lens. I could see all the things that you were doing to help yourself.
Lori Elliot Sacks: Mm-hmm.
Jessica Fowler: Like using the skills, using your supports, putting things in place to help you. I could see the things that you were doing that were helping you emotionally for your recovery, which was amazing.
Lori Elliot Sacks: Thank you so much for saying that. You know, my, my, my absolute hope and prayer is that the book will create some very strong feelings of hope and inspiration and grace and gratitude. Oh my gosh, gratitude. Um, so much gratitude. So, you know, I say to my husband sometimes, you know, if I die tomorrow, I've had a great life. And he's like, no don’t say things like that. I'm like, no, it's okay. It's okay. Some people burned so hot and then they're done and other people burn slowly throughout their life. You know, it's just the way it goes and we all have to exit at a certain point. But I'll tell you what, I am not going gently. I'd love life, but when it's time and it's okay to be accepting of that. There was a quote I saw about acquiescence and acceptance, and the idea being that you, you don't have to look at it as an acquiescence, you can look at it as an acceptance, and there's, you know, something to be said about that. Like, I, I will not acquiesce, but eventually I will accept and it's just, it's a beautiful thing to have so much support, so much love, so much gratitude and being so in the moment, which is so hard, my gosh, we're not built that way we're built for like, what are we doing tomorrow? What are we doing this? When are we doing that? And go, go, go, go, go. And if anything, it's really slowed that down for me. And I love meditation as well. Oh my gosh, they've done so many studies on meditation and how it is so healthy and important for your brain, um, and I try to do it at least a few times a week. I'm trying to get to every day, but hey guys, I'm human. You know, I have other things to do lots of things to do. So, like this weekend we're going to Wildwood, uh, with our RV and, um, one of the things I remember when, when I think of, of this whole process and the RV is when I was getting chemo, I wanted to still go to to camp. And everyone's like, you need, you need IV fluids. You know, you're, you your blood pressure is up and down and you know, so I said, okay, listen, here's the deal. We get the bag of IV fluids and we sit me in a chair outside the RV with the pole, with the dog on the lap, and life felt great. You know, it was like I controlled that moment and I felt victorious in that moment. So don't ever pass up an opportunity to be good to yourself and, uh, just jump in and give your ideas and your solutions or your, you know, turn it in all different ways until you find the way that feels the best and then lock it in. You have so many things planned for the future and it's, I refuse to say like, oh, I might not be here. No.
Jessica Fowler: Well, you end the book with like a bucket list, which I thought was great. It's like towards the end of all the things that you wanna do. I also wanted to say too, we did not mention this, um, well, I'm mentioning it now, that in for work, like you are a psychiatric nurse practitioner or, um, yeah. Psychiatric nurse practitioner. Mm-hmm. And so, what I loved about this too was all the things that you did to help your mental health that I could see in there from your family, your friends, the Peloton group, journaling like you just mentioned, the meditation, like you were doing all of these things that we know can help people.
Lori Elliot Sacks: Mm-hmm.
Jessica Fowler: And I loved that these are probably things that you've talked to your patients about and that you were doing them and you could see the benefit, like you can see this joy for life that you have, even though this was really hard and you talked about that in the book, but you were still going and doing these things that you knew would help you, which was really beautiful to read and see you go through this process and acknowledge the hard days too at the same time. Both can be true.
Lori Elliot Sacks: Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. Um, thank you for saying that. It, it means the world to me to hear that, and I think we just, we have to capture every moment that we can, you know, it's, I, I truly feel like I wrote this book, not just for the people, I don't know, but for my, my children, my three girls, um, because whichever way the waves take us, I want them to see a good example of living all the way up to the edge all the way and not taking no for an answer. Um, so I want them to witness eventually, hopefully not for a long time, but eventually I want them to be able to witness what a good death looks like. I don't, I don't know if I mentioned it, but I was a hospice nurse for eight years and somebody said, why didn't you put that in the book? And I said, I didn't even think about it. So being a person who's there during that transition to death, I've been there many times as a hospice nurse. I've seen it done beautifully. And, uh, I don't fear that happening. So, you know, I, I look at this again from different places, different perspectives, and you know, I know this is so heavy for some people, and even just hearing about it, it's like, oh, no, no, no, we don't, we don't go there. Um, but, you know, I still have, I still have things to give. I still have things I wanna do, and I, and I wanna show my, my kids that you can live in a graceful, beautiful, minute by minute way, and it's okay. You know, we all have to get off the stage after a while and give it up to the next generation.
Jessica Fowler: Well as you said too, the more that we talk about it, right, that helps us, it provides support for the person going through something so, in this scenario, you right, that you, if you're open, you can have more people, but it also helps you process it through and sharing your story can help others. Whether it's somebody going through it or a loved one, that they can pick this up and say like, this is what it's like, right? This is, you know how you planned out your weeks, for example, based on chemo, right. To know to do that.
Lori Elliot Sacks: Mm-hmm.
Jessica Fowler: Or what that can be like for somebody. So, things like that can, you know, almost be just like helpful little tips or something for people of what can be, you know, what you can do during this journey.
Lori Elliot Sacks: And I was recently told that I have had another relapse.
Jessica Fowler: Oh, that's not in the book.
Lori Elliot Sacks: That's not in the book. So, I'll be going for a biopsy. I have a couple of nodes in my chest. Um, and so they're gonna do a little lap laparoscopic, um, incision to test those nodes so that I could have a targeted approach this time to treatment when they find out what those nodes. Um, what those nodes are, they'll be able to actually match up the treatment more precisely. However, I will have to go back into chemo. Um, but we are getting our fighting strength together and my team is amazing. Um, and I just can't wait to get it done over with and back on track. So, I think there's a number two book coming.
Jessica Fowler: We'll have to have you back on.
Lori Elliot Sacks: I actually went back on, on this site just a few days ago because I was, I was marinating everything. I was like, okay, let's process, let's, let's see what, let's get in touch with how I'm feeling. Um, this is gonna like, affect a lot of people around me. You know, I need to be strong before I present it, um, to others. And, and I feel like I'm there. Um, and one of the things about the Peloton that I love so much is they, you know they ride hard to the point where you're dripping with sweat. And I feel so alive in those moments because it's like, not everyone could do this. You know, this is, this taste takes a bit of an athlete to, you know, get up to 160 heart rate and dripping and, and it's like, I'm just, I'm just the gal from Brooklyn riding my Peloton, you know? It's okay if I could do this, what else can I do? And by the way, my doctor that I saw recently said, you are a miracle. You're not supposed to be here at this point in time with cancer that was all over the place. She's like, you are a miracle. I was in remission for seven whole years. It's crazy, but I'll take it. I'll take the miracle, you know?
Jessica Fowler: Mm-hmm.
Lori Elliot Sacks: And we're, we're gonna bring home another one.
Jessica Fowler: I was gonna say and keep up. Okay. Um, thanks for sharing and the honesty. Always, always fighting with you. You do. I think your positive outlook is probably so helpful. But again, I wanna say with also processing the hard stuff too. Like you're not ignoring the hard stuff.
Lori Elliot Sacks: No.
Jessica Fowler: And I think that that. I would guess based on my experience, helps you get through to the other side and just your ve or your like joy for life. Like you, you talk about in the book, like taking the RV and going and wanting to do these things and still live your life and, and yeah, it's inspirational in that way. So, thank you.
Lori Elliot Sacks: Thank you. This has been such a pleasure. I really appreciate. You do in, in, uh, a podcast like this. You spread the word. You spread the word of joy and choosing life.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah. And healing and reading and healing.
Lori Elliot Sacks: Yes. Yeah. Healing.
Jessica Fowler: I think there's a lot of healing in reading. And this is a great example of that, right? It was healing for you to write it, and it can be healing for readers to go along this journey as well and have something to turn to that can help them. And so,
Lori Elliot Sacks: absolutely.
Jessica Fowler: So, thank you so much for coming on today.
Lori Elliot Sacks: You're so welcome and, uh, maybe I'll see you after book number two, you know.
Jessica Fowler: That would be amazing.
Lori Elliot Sacks: You never know.
Jessica Fowler: All right. Thank you.
Lori Elliot Sacks: Thank you so much.
Jessica Fowler: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of what your therapist is reading. Make sure you head on over to the website or social media to find out about the latest giveaway. The information provided in this program is for educational and informational purposes only. And although I'm a social worker licensed in the state of New York, this program is not intended to provide mental health treatment and does not constitute a patient therapist relationship.
About the author:
Lori Elliot Sacks: Trouble free and flying high- was Lucky Lori! I have been a Hospice Nurse, a Therapist, and a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. However, the role of patient and ovarian warrior continues to challenge me daily . It demands patience and positivity. This memoir is intense-BEWARE.. but full of HOPE and GRATITUDE.